


Couldn't Be Much More From The Heart

by fallenandthefaithless (billys_consulting_flatmates)



Series: season 13 codas [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Post-Episode: s13e01 Lost and Found, canon character death, coda fic, the fucking mixtape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-17 17:16:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12370338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/billys_consulting_flatmates/pseuds/fallenandthefaithless
Summary: It had been a fire that destroyed everything before and here it was again, eating away at everything once more





	Couldn't Be Much More From The Heart

_Please. Please help us._

The sheer fabric had looked almost too delicate for what he needed it for. It tore easily in his hands, dust spiralling away to float through the air, drifting slowly to the floor. The material was so light between his fingers, designed to let the sunshine in.

Despite how light it was, Dean’s shoulders ached. His arms hurt, his chest ached, and he slowly slipped the yellow fabric under the still legs and tied it together.

_Please._

The lighter felt weightless after carrying him outside to where Kelly already waited. He looked too small, too vulnerable to once have held a wavelength of celestial intent. He’d been so wild, as controllable as lightning, windswept and blazing blue. That spark was gone now, leaving only a shell behind. It wasn’t even really him – not his real body. That one was the size of the Chrysler building with wings and a halo. But this was the only one Dean knew. The one with blue eyes, a rare smile and a tacky trenchcoat. The one he’d known and fought with and fought for and…

_...help us…_

The fire rushed across the pyre, egged on by the lighter fluid, greedily eating up everything in its path, tree, sheets, bodies. Soon it was a wall of flames before them and it hit Dean, as sharply as a sudden punch to the gut, that this was the end. There was no body, no God, no one to save him.

_Please._

His chest ached, a yawning pit of pain that his lungs were drowning in. He could only stare blankly at the fire. This couldn’t be the end. Not like this.

But why not?

It had been a fire that destroyed everything before and here it was again, eating away at everything once more, burning away the last shred of Dean’s hope.

His arms felt empty as he stood there. For a few minutes, he had held him in his arms as he carried him outside. He had felt the weight of the familiar body against his chest, had felt the soft, dark hair against his cheek. Except, this time, there were no arms wrapping around him, squeezing him against a solid chest and allowing him to breathe easily, as a sense of safety washed over him.

Instead he had laid Cas’s body, once so familiar, now so empty, down on the pyre and had to step back, letting his arms fall away for the last time.

The flames continued to burn and Dean continued to stare, the small weight in his pocket pressing against him, its plastic corners digging into his leg. It had been in Cas’s breast pocket, kept safe and secure and Dean’s fingers had plucked it out and clutched it so tightly he had feared it broken for a moment. Not that it mattered. The only one he’d wanted to listen to it was gone.

And now all he had left was the mixtape, a reminder, digging in sharply, of everything he’d meant to say but had been too much of a coward to.

Sam was shifting beside him; Dean could feel his eyes on him but he couldn’t look, couldn’t face his brothers sympathetic gaze, couldn’t tear his eyes away from the fire even as its smoke and meaning caused his eyes to sting. The kid was silent, even when Sam turned to face him instead, but Dean couldn’t find it in himself to care. His insides felt raw and torn as though they’d been flayed wide open. He felt the world could see him, bleeding and ripped apart, on show for anyone to see and no one left to fix it.

He continued to stare at where the flames were eating Cas’s body away. He didn’t care about anything else. None of it mattered, not anymore.

_…bring him back…_

_Please._

**Author's Note:**

> Here's my coda for the season premiere
> 
> I'm on tumblr at fallenandthefaithless where I'm currently crying over the above things, come and say hi


End file.
